One Down, Five to Go.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

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After the glorious Father's Day weekend spending time with family and friends, enjoying the beautiful weather, and all the fun the weekend had to offer, my good mood came crashing down when I woke up yesterday.

One, it was Monday morning. No explanation necessary.

Two, I had been studying my butt off all week for my very first test in my very first grad school class and was feeling super anxious about being prepared.

Studying is never fun. But studying in the summer when all you want is to be playing outside, sipping an icy cold beverage, and soaking up the sun... when you have no idea what the questions on the test are going to be like, how tricky they'll be or what they'll even be on... when you've been out of this whole school game for three years and you're not sure you even remember how to take a test... Studying under these conditions is probably the worst thing ever. Biochemistry is hard. Biochemistry in grad school is even harder. It's faster and more detailed and you're required to know more in less time. I felt like even though I had read the chapters over and over and practiced problems and memorized structures, it still wasn't good enough.

I know that all just sounds like me complaining and making up a bunch of dumb excuses. And as I went through my day, stressing about the test, I soon realized that's exactly what it was. A bunch of stupid excuses. Stupid little superficial things holding me back from my true potential.

Deep down, I knew I'd be fine. I had studied harder for this first test than any I took in undergrad, but for some reason, I still felt fearful. I still felt scared to fail, scared to mess up on such a high level and make a fool out of myself. I put so much pressure on myself to do well and succeed that I had pretty much made myself sick. And after all that, guess what?

I aced it.

Here's hoping that this serves as a reminder that you can do anything you put your mind to. Don't let doubt creep in when you know you've put in the time and hard work. And most of all don't allow the fear of failure to keep you from doing what you're passionate about.

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