Breaking the Silence

Thursday, July 30, 2015


"And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in." 
- Haruki Murakami

I have to admit, the last few months of my life have not really felt like my own. Mike and I have had so many ups and downs that I think somewhere back in June my body went on autopilot. It was probably pretty obvious to people that something was up considering the long stretch of radio silence both here on the blog and in most of my social life, but in case it wasn’t clear and you thought I had died or something, I’m here to tell you that I’m still alive, just a changed and slightly bruised version of myself.

It took me a while to decide exactly what I wanted to put into this post because the things we have been going through are extremely personal and quite frankly, I’ve become a bit nervous about putting my entire life online. It’s not that I don’t want everyone to know what’s been going on, because I know so many of you would offer tons of heartfelt support. It’s just, in this day and age of information overload and our tendency to overshare, I feel like some matters are better off remaining private. If you’d really like to know more, I would be willing to share in a personal message or in conversation, but as far as a public announcement, I’m sorry to say you won’t be getting one. 

The experiences we’ve had over the last three months have changed us deeply and permanently. While I wish I could erase all the hurt and go back to life as it was before things started crashing down around us, I believe in some strange way that we were meant to go through all of this, if only for the reason of making us stronger. Through all of the struggles, the overwhelming joy, and the unexpected pain, Mike and I have only grown closer. Under pressures that can sometimes drive couples apart, our marriage has tripled in strength and I have seen my incredible husband through completely new eyes. In the wake of all of this sadness, before anyone knew what was going on, he was my solace and my rock, protecting me and building me up when I felt like there was no way I could go any further. I have never been more in love or felt more blessed to have him by my side. 

As we move forward, Mike and I are ready to focus on the positive. We are taking control of our health, our home, and our life in general. Sometimes it takes a heartbreaking experience or two to really shake you up and make you realize exactly how you want to be living and how far you are from it. We are slowing down with great intention, taking our time, making a point not to over schedule ourselves, spending time with those who really matter to us, and making sure that every single week we focus some time on us as a couple. There is no more important investment in a marriage than the one you make in each other. 

For those that do know about the struggles we’ve had lately, we sincerely appreciate all of your support and love. We could not have gotten through any of this without you. We are most thankful to my parents who let us (and our fur child) live with them for the last four weeks in the midst of all of the stress and chaos when we suddenly discovered we couldn’t live in our own home for a while. Your patience and hospitality did not go unnoticed and we are so incredibly grateful for all you have done for us. 

I'm hoping to get back into blogging semi-regularly again starting today. It's always been therapeutic for me and fun to share what's going on, so I plan to visit this space as much as I can. There is quite a bit of excitement coming up for us this fall, so I can't wait to experience and share all that life brings as we move past this bump in the road and into a new chapter of life. 


“Life will test you, but remember this: when you walk up a mountain, your legs get stronger."